Somebody warned me once about pacing myself in this long race. They warned me that I would burn out, definitely more than the usual parenting circumstance. I heard the warning but didn’t listen. Even right now in this very moment I find myself in a dark, quiet room and I still can not sleep. I still can not shut off and relax. I’m not sure if this is a culmination of all the lack of sleep or if I should go see my doctor. It’s probably both, but there is just too much to do, between being Adam’s night nurse and mommy advocate during the day it’s getting hard to deny the importance of proper sleep and good nutrition. I’m one of those; the kind that go, go, go so I guess that makes me the Hare.
I have a plan: rehabilitate, restore, reroute. These are all words I associate with Adam and his recovery. I see the potential in him and though I have a team of support I can’t help but still feel a heavy sense of responsibility. It feels as if Adam is up against a clock of some kind and when time runs out that’s it. That’s how he will stay and all the people who didn’t believe in him would be right. I can see their smirks right now. I can hear them say “well there’s just not enough progress”.. Dismissing ALL the progress he’s made. Progress like breath on his own or pee on his own. I found myself saying “slow and steady wins the race.” That’s how I’d describe Adam as the Tortoise because he could care less about what “they” think. He does things in his time, in his way.
I know that sometimes, maybe most times you can’t make others see or believe what you need them to. I know I’m hanging onto a promise that God shared with me, I know the potential Adam has and so I push, I advocate, I cheerlead him through it, fingers crossed his new physical therapist will too.
Perhaps Adam being the Tortoise and me being the Hare (THX SUSAN!) 🙂 means we are running this race together and in the end my Tortoise will win the race.